Ohh Snap!

Well, today's blog came to us mind a lot later than the others ones did.... Part of the problem came from the fact that I have been dealing with a car that needs some repair, an apartment that needed some attention, and my hair that looked like Tarzan with curls.  I know crazy mental images of me running a muck today.  With that being said, I was having a conversation via text with a friend and all of a sudden - I just snapped.  

After the situation occurred, I asked myself why the heck did this just happen.  He was being honest about a situation and I just blew up.  Was it because I had a challenging day or the fact that my brother and his girlfriend could not come to an agreement on certain elements today? Anyway, I just went off. I paused afterwards and took a deep breathe.  I thought to myself that [friend] did not deserve that.  He was just being honest.  I thought to myself if I cannot accept honest feedback from a friend who can I trust.  

So, this situation has me pondering why do we get upset when people are honest or spend time developing thoughts or comments to respond to the situation.  Instead, why can't we listen and allow for the information to settle?  Maybe walk away for a few minutes? Listen to some music?  For me, I realize that sometimes that my passion or frustrations for a situation boil to a point then POP goes the weasel.  

I realized afterwards that I needed to apologize for my actions.  The response, it's all good.  However, is it all good?  Why do we respond with it is all good when someone gets upset or pops.  Instead, shouldn't the person who snapped process why they did what they did and move forward.  We live in a culture where we should not hurt people's feelings and that we should be sensitive to the emotions of others.  I may or may not agree with that societal norm; however, I want to know how we even get to the point of anger.  How can we spend more time learning to relax and live life than worry about why someone said something?  

Tonight, I decided to listen to the National Anthem sung by Jennifer Hudson to help me process.  

The National Anthem speaks of we, as Americans, " O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming? Rampart by definition is a defensive wall.   Americans fought for the civil liberties that we strive to uphold today but the usage of a defensive wall was necessary to combat Britain.  In our lives, we develop defensive mechanisms and sometimes that is a wall. Other times we "snap."  I am not talking Legally Blonde bend and snap but we emotional and physical snap and release a defense that injures or harms others.  Therefore, why do it?  I am not at war with my friend nor do I need to be.  Therefore, I reflect on why we should live life in peace and harmony and not war and terror.  

Our lives go through cycles, sometimes good and others bad.  Regardless of where I am in the cycle, my "bad" should always result in good for others.  Therefore, the next time I, or even you the reader, need to let out some hot air - think and breath. Life is too short to be frustrated because someone made a comment.  If we spend more time focusing on who we are and want to be, we would be much happier.  Instead, we focus so much of what others think and don't allow for people to come into our lives for genuine reasons or conversations.  

I challenge you, as well as myself, to live a little nicer and be thankful for what you have in front of you.  Life is not always greener on the other side.  Cherish each moment as a gift because we are not certain that tomorrow will come. 

May your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Respectfully,

Stephen 

Where It All Starts...In 2014.

Good morning, friends! I realize that most of the people reading this blog are probably either my friends or just avid blog readers so I will use the term friend to open for today.  

Welcome to 2014! It is the start to a new year.  This new year brings excitement, growth, struggle, happiness, sadness, and thrill.  Why is this year any different than the year prior? It is because the new year of 2014 is innocent in nature and nothing has tarnished the memories of the year yet.  We idolize that each new year is a fresh start just as we did when we graduated from high school, undergraduate, or even graduate school.  We see the new year as an opportunity to re-invent ourselves or create resolutions that seem timely but most fail in the long term.  

2014 means something different for me - it is an opportunity to shape who I am not redefine who I already am.  I see this year as an opportunity to listen less to those who poison my happiness and strive more to live a life focuses on seizing the day rather than waiting for someone to tell me to leap.  Although this does sound somewhat idealistic, I believe I need to step focused on my well being, happiness, and plans for the future.  Of course, I have my "council of mentors" who will be sounding boards for my plans to help me evaluate my life but more so to make sure I am not going "too far off the deep end." 

2014 begins new journeys for me in my professional career and navigating each experience with intentionality and purpose will be crucial.  Will I be perfect? Heck no but will I learn from the hurdles that present themselves to me - absolutely! My love and passion for student affairs makes me only more excited for the next steps I take throughout 2014.  

2014 encourages me to seek more time to be with Him.  Last night was a prime example.  I was the designated driver, by choice, for the New Year's Eve festivities. Chris Tomlin's Indescribable came on the radio (video provided below). 

During the last 10 minutes of my drive, I was like I know this song.  As the song began, I started singing and tears rolled down my face but I realized that God was talking to me.  The moment that the praise and worship because a true conversation with Him.  It made me think - what have I done to uphold His glory? Of course, I am aware that I will fall short but how am I working to follow His plan for my life.  In that moment, I am sitting at a red light praying that God will have His had in my life because I am nothing without Him.  Faith has always been a proponent of what my life should embody.  May God was trying to tell me something last night but all I can think is that I was present and learning to be.  I continue to seek more for and with Him. 

After reading this, many of you may say you have a hefty plan for 2014.  Actually, I think I have allowed this to be a framework for the year.  I had a supervisor once that told me that you have a tapestry to work but how you work with that canvas is a work of art.  I could not agree more.  Therefore, I strive to live more passionately focus on who I am; navigate my career with excitement and intentional conversations and direction; continue to shape who I am and not keep "reinventing the wheel;" and follow my heart through faith and prayer.  

2014 will be a great year - how will you be a part of my journey? Only time will tell. 

May your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Love and Respect, 
Stephen 

Living in the Moment and Hopes for Tomorrow

When you think of genuine relationships, what comes to mind?

Think about it... Did you close your eyes and walk through memory lane?

Today, I saw a quote that brought me back to authentic relationships --

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and focus on what could go right." 

In relationships with individuals, how often do we focus on what could go wrong versus what is right in that present moment?

Prior to the start of 2014, I focused too much on making everything perfect from the places we would go, to the day or time we hung out, or focused on making sure that the conversations accomplished a goal. Yesterday, I began a conversation with a friend like any conversation - we started discussing life, work, and plans for the future.  In the middle of the conversation, I realized I wanted to know about the person, not the typical questions of what's your favorite color, drink, or show but what do you enjoy.  My friend spoke of his life in New York City and the excitement surrounding the New Year's Eve.  We began to explore what he loves about the city and what he enjoys in life.  In that moment, I realize that I need to re-evaluate my relationships and find the heart and soul of each of them.  No relationship is perfect, whether platonic or romantic. 

In relationships, some of them last days, weeks, or even years.  Some of them are brief for various reasons.  

Who do you classify as a best friend?  What do they do for you? What do you do for them?  Is it daily coffee conversations or simply a text saying have a great day.  

Regardless of the outcome, the relationship amongst two people should be founded on a form of common interest and mutual acceptance. But where does it go beyond the start.  Does it need to accomplish a goal? Or is it natural progression? 

Unfortunately, I realized that many of my relationships formed through my professional career or social outlets only connected to a social scene.  Today, I look to change that.  I want to find people that find beauty in life, even in the hard times.  I want to find people who accept and challenge me in life, whether my career or otherwise. If it lasts for days, weeks, months, or year, I will value it. If it only last for a brief period, then I will accept it for what it is.  Each person you interact with serves a purpose whether to make you find something new or help you evaluate what you already have in life. 

My prayer each day is that my relationships should have value; the reality they do.  I do not need something to have defined parameters or focused outcomes to be worth the it's beauty in gold. I also do not want the value to be defined because of a "forced" interactions but one of natural proportions. Yes, it is a mutual responsibility to live and let live through each relationship so I urge you to find peace in the relationships you form.  Not everyone will be your friend; some will just be "associates" as I learned in middle school.  Regardless of how you form the relationship, you deserve love and respect.  

You will probably ask if I will stumble and fall with this idea of natural relationships and the answer is yes I will.  However, I challenge you all to make me dig deeper, love more passionately, and find the true beauty in conversations and interactions.  I know it sounds a little cliche but in this life we only have one life to live but I, like my fellow readers, need to do it without worry or fears. I make mistakes. You make mistakes. We all make mistakes.  It is not a mistake when it challenges us to be more and think more.  Therefore, I move forward with no regrets and only hopes for what is to come. 

To 2014, I look forward to living life and forming more authentic relationships. Today, I reflect and listen to the following song to prepare me for what is to come in 2014: 

Until tomorrow, may your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Peace and Blessings, 
Stephen  

Celebrating the Holidays with the Dominys

Home is Where the Heart Is. 

Here is a picture of me with the brothers (and "sister" Jenna) at my grandparents in Macon, Georgia. 

Music of the Heart (for this Season)

Please check out the following links of music to share in my feelings that occurred this season - 

Let There Be Peace on Earth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzMl6g6nDzE

Breath of Heaven: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VyK8ftdF08

Ten Thousand Joys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjgTmco9mCM

A Hallelujah Christmas: http://www.uptv.com/blog/uplifting-video-cloverton-leonard-cohen-hallelujah-song

New Adventures - Where Will It Lead Me?

It's been over a year since my last blog post and I have decided this academic year to take more time to blog and focus on reflection in my life and in my career.  With this being said, I think it's time for a catch up blog.  What's happened in the last year? Well...

I started my career at Kennesaw State University advising the Interfraternity Council along with other programming based initiatives while also exploring means for collaboration and growth.  I have found comfort in my career and believe that I have found a place to begin roots for the future.  I feel very encouraged by the people that I surround myself with at KSU. 

In my volunteer life, I have engaged in several different things. 

First, I started volunteering with Atlanta Pride and serving as a Lead Ambassador to help encourage and enhance the patron experience for all that support and attend our annual festival.  A year later, I am Co-Chair for Pride Ambassadors and work to ensure that all volunteers aid in the hospitality of our VIPs. I have found a calling to help in the education, advocacy, and collaboration of people to support and advance GLBTIQ initiatives and equality.  I am excited for the 2013 Atlanta Pride Festival in October and invite you all to attend. 

Second, I loved working with NASPA that I thought it would just be me doing social media for a while.  In late fall 2012, I was asked if I would be interested in being Chair-Elect for the Fraternity|Sorority Knowledge Community.  Obviously, my nerves were shot, thought I was too young, and asked myself what do I have to lose... so, I said yes.  At the 2014 NASPA Annual Conference in Baltimore, Curtis Burrill and I will assume our roles as Co-Chairs for the Fraternity|Sorority Knowledge Community.  I could not be more excited but also honored to serve higher education in a way that brings the voices, the people, and the spirit of the fraternal movement together for at least two years. I imagine it will be longer. 

Third, I continued presenting at SEIFC. It seems like it was yesterday when I went to my first SEIFC (2008). In early 2013, a changing of the guard occurred and was offered the opportunity to join the professional staff for SEIFC - it's been a humbling and full circle experience and cannot wait to see what the future holds.  I love to be able to challenge and support fraternity men through their development and progress. 

Overall, life is good. I have been thankful for the opportunities given to me and look forward to what else God has in store for me.  Remember, your values speak. 

See You When I See You: A Post-Graduation Reflection

"Shelby, it's time! Shelby, it's time!" As I remember this line for the famous classic, Steel Magnolias, I reflect on the two years of serving, learning, and growing at Florida State University.  As of April 27, 2012, I graduate from FSU with my masters degree in higher education and student affairs.  As many colleagues stated before I began this journey, the experience in graduate school is over in a blink of an eye.  Of course, it did just thank.  I remember walking onto campus in February 2010 following my presentations at SEIFC.  I was so excited yet so nervous.  Would I make the right connection? Would the program be the right fit for me? Would I walk away from this experience changed?  To all of these questions, I can respond, "YES!"  

My journey at Florida State has been one with many opportunities, challenges, and successes but one thing that I remember most of the is support.  Whether I challenged the process with developmental models for programs while serving as a graduate assistant or the theoretical framework of Kohlberg and how it influences how I educate and model my work with and for students.  Another element has been my process of understanding "us" - this is not about me or what they do but rather what do we and us do.  It probably was one of my most challenging learning curves to understand how to effectively collaborate with others without focusing on the potential recognition of the work.  Through these times and many others,  the faculty, administrators, and colleagues have stood by me for better or for worse.  

The Center for Leadership and Civic Education was the mecca of my heart and soul.  I found my faith, my love, and my passions through my interactions and collaboration while serving with the team that we affectionately know as The Center.  Whether Dr. Mills or Heather Stitely challenging me on how I see fraternity and sorority as a values based movement rather than just social groups or reflecting with Dr. Osteen and Jennifer Dascomb on different personal and professional experiences, I found my home.  The smiles, the laughter, the music, and the tears have been a part of me and my growth while working at the Center. Each day I found the strength to commit myself to the fundamental constructs of educating and developing students in a environment that challenges and supports each step they take in their experiences.  

When I walked across the stage at my hooding ceremony, tears filled my eyes because I felt that I am prepared to serve as a professional in higher education.  Hearing Virginia Byrne reflect on her time at FSU brought the laughter and smiles back while I kept reminding myself that this would be the last time we would all be in one room together.  As each member of my cohort moves away or each of the students leave (or graduates), I tell them that I will see them when I see them.  I cannot say good bye because it is not the end.  Many of the people I have had the pleasure to work or grow with while at FSU will continue with me in the future, whether that be big or small.  As Jason Aldean sings, "we will laugh about the old days and catch up on the new."  I am proud of what has become me as a student and now as I transition into being a professional.  Yeah, there are tears and music to go along with it but I will never forget Florida State and the impact that has been forever made on my heart, mind, and soul. I pray my life serves as a reflection of my work and my education.  Let the search for knowledge continue. L&R!