Monday, July 28, 2014

The Time Is Now - An AFA Reflection


Today's blog post is a compilations of thoughts and reflections of members of the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors (AFA) over the last two years.  I give so much love to Jessica Pettitt and the other contributors for helping construct this blog as a way to enhance the engagement of AFA members. 

AFA Graduate Staff 2010 & 2011 pictured at the Annual Meeting. 

At the 2012 AFA Annual Meeting the association’s board held an open session seeking feedback and ideas from members.  There was much conversation about the organizational structure changes and an eagerness to witness results from long standing conversations.  Members in the room began asking, “How do I give back? How do I help? What can I do?”

This created a powerful dynamic and we agreed to share that discussion with the larger membership.  Pulling from our collective memories and what was tweeted out during the session we will bring you the highlights!

Stop waiting to be “qualified” to contribute to the organization. Do it now!

It seems that undergraduates wait to be graduate students, and graduates students wait until they get their first job.  National office staffs aren’t campus-based professionals, but some of them used to be.  New campus professionals haven’t been on the job long enough, or don’t have enough organizations on their campus to matter — this is all stuff I hear at every Annual Meeting I have attended. Many seem to struggle with the self-efficacy to feel “qualified” to be an involved party in the association.  None of it makes sense.  The organization is built by and for the members. If you are reading this, you are a member. It is the diversity of our perspectives that make us individually qualified to contribute to the organization. Stop waiting, you’re officially deemed “qualified.”

Go to the AFA website to see where your skills and talents can be utilized.  This article will explore many opportunities.

Change is not sexy. The small things like voting are how change happens.
Throughout history, people have had a volatile relationship with change.  Change comes often in very little, very boring, very often over looked baby steps.  Be an active part of these baby steps.  Vote.  Read.  Contribute.  Speak.  Listen.  Volunteer.  Serve.  Present.  Write.  Repeat.
Take individual responsibility for what experience you want to have.

Contributions can take many forms. While some people may have volunteer positions with titles, your contribution could be conducting research, writing for a publication, presenting a program, or mentoring a young professional. Program sessions, leadership, mentorships, conversations, and collaborations are up to each member to happen.  Figure out what kind of experience you want to have and make it happen. Even more important, to truly contribute to the field and moving it forward, do your own job really well.

Mentor a graduate student, new professional, or undergraduate student.

As professionals, we spend much of our careers advising and educating students, but how often do we have conversations about how to make the fraternal experience a professional career (or a volunteer one) with the newest generation of future professionals?  To ensure sustainability in our profession, we need to spend time mentoring the youngest generation of professionals, rather than just role modeling and hoping the career path works out.  This takes starting conversations with students or colleagues about their professional dreams and helping guide their plans if they have interest in higher education. Beyond that, encouraging future alumni involvement with students is crucial, no matter their chosen career path.

Let your passion drive your involvement.

When you joined the association, you had reasons and motivation.  The common denominators for most members are professional development, networking and research based on your own motivations, it is important to seek out opportunities to enhance your passion and aid in the advancement of the association.  Here a just a few ways to find your passion and get involved:

  • Present an educational session. If you gathered new research or created an innovative program, share your information with others and help further the profession.  One never knows if the educational session you present on inspires others to want to do more and be more for the profession. Share research with AFA colleagues and beyond at a host of higher education conferences.
  • Research a topic within the fraternal movement. Our profession will only advance if members commit to research. Members can further knowledge by assessing progress and researching topics connected to the fraternal movement. If you wonder why you keep seeing the same behaviors, why problems matriculate, how the experience creates impact, and more—find the answers to your questions. After all, research is a core competency of the association.  
  • On the job, consider what theoretical frameworks and best practices are you implementing and if  offerings are rooted in research and assessment. Research should be engrained in the culture and operations of the work you and/or your staff are putting forth.
  • Invest in your own professional development. Whether you attend an AFA Drive-In, the Annual Meeting or monthly AdvanceU webinars, developing as a professional is an expectation of membership in the association, as well as a benefit. These opportunities are also tools for engagement and involvement. Whether you volunteer for a committee or attend a pre-conference workshop, your involvement aids in your development and maturity as a professional. 

It’s crucial that our members participate and encourage discussions, dialogue, and eLearning through the year. By create a community where our members engage in publications, share research, connect through social media, and offer knowledge in their various areas of expertise, we make the most of our experience. Look at the association as an educational and marketing moment that connects you with colleagues and opportunities to grow in your career and further the fraternal movement.
  • Network within the association. Get out there! Networking is tied closely with investing in your own development. Some of our best resources are each other. Be an active participant in the association by meeting new people and find new opportunities through the association. Follow up with people you met at a conference session or even the author of an article that piqued your interest. Ask engaging questions in conference sessions, or follow-up with those who do. Ask questions about how people create and enhance holistic experiences for students; create programmatic initiatives for the profession; or provide feedback for a publishable article or paper.  You never know what you will find and the outcome that it can bring.
  • Network beyond the Annual Meeting. Take advantage of the universities, professionals, headquarters in your area and make local connections that will grow and be enhanced when you attend association programs. Challenge yourself to seek out people with differing ideas than you. One may ask, “What should I do if I am faced with adversity and resistance when trying to make the work that I do relevant?” 
  • Volunteer. Whether you hold an AFA volunteer position or not, find ways to use your talents to challenge and support our association to make yourself and other professional better prepared to support the collegiate experience.  

Do a good job. 

Focus on your own work and on leading change in your community, your bubble. The first place we can “lead the movement” is in our own backyards. We can serve our association by focusing on our work. To keep our work relevant, we must lead the change in language, practices and conversation to be about student learning first. When we are ready and daring enough to do this, that is when our relevance will no longer be of question.

Take time for you.

Take time to process, reflect and digest your experiences. From the Annual Meeting to a powerful article you read online; we often set good ideas aside when the daily grind gets busy. If you do not take time when you need it, you will feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  Our organizations and students need you to be the best version of yourself with an ability to engage self and others. 
  
AFA is in fact changing.  For some, these changes seem rapid and for others, they are painstakingly slow.  Both perspectives can be right at the same time.  What cannot happen is that as member-based organization, AFA ceases to evolve, grow, expand and change. Only through consistent adaptation can our members’ needs can be met.  This change shouldn’t and must not seem out of reach of any member regardless of experience or tenure.  The changes are member created, member instituted, member led and member designed.  AFA members at all levels serve as mentors, volunteers, role models and leaders.  We are the members.  We are AFA and we should be acting and contributing as such in any way we can.

Therefore, find balance, get involved and engage in the conversation.  If you can do that, you will ignite the catalyst for change that will not only align with the mission of the association but will take it to new heights.  Our association is a canvas waiting for the contributions of colors to paint the direction for the future. 

We are waiting for you.  You--right now, in your role, with your experience, with your ideas.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

#PhiMuUIFI “To practice day by day...”


It has been quite some time since my last blog post and at times I say, “Yes, I will post something everyday.” The reality is that Stephen gets caught up with work and volunteer commitments that he forgets to make time to post. Therefore, my posts tend to be more sporadic.  Anyways, I have more to posted about than my issues with blog postings. 

On Saturday, I returned from Phi Mu UIFI, Theta Session.  Each year that cup is filled with excitement, opportunity to push for more, and the ability to find courage within undergraduates to move the fraternal movement ever forward.  This year felt different for a few reasons but I wonder if it is because of my perspective or the actual balance of students and facilitators was different.  I am not sure which element changed my experience as a facilitator but will say the “power of women” had dynamics unlike any previous year. 

Just so you know, Phi Mu UIFI has been occurring since 2011.  I have had the privilege to serve three times with the program.  Each year the caliber of women changes, whether top chapter officers to emerging leaders.  This year I believe most, if not all, were emerging leaders within their chapter.  Therefore, you have more women who are new to the experience and have a spark for Phi Mu that is sincere and genuine, at times I want to bottle up their passion and energy.

Obviously with around 90 women in the Phi Mu House at Indiana University, Delta Alpha Chapter, you can feel the camaraderie and even the yearning to meet and interact with each sister in attendance.  Over the course of five days, you enter into a rollercoaster experience that leaves you with the true spirit of fraternity and plan to make a change, regardless of size. During our time together last week, I learned a few things that I think are pertinent to move forward:
  • Sometimes our crucibles connect us more than what we can see.  I think the way our lives continue to move quickly that we forget in the same regard of how defining moments in life relate to those we interact with on a daily basis. Therefore, stop and get to know a new person and find out why they believe what they believe? Was there a moment that defined their why?
  • Leadership/Values are what you do and know why you do.  Sometimes we focus on understanding the what and how before we start with why. Simon Sinek’s depiction of the golden circles is an accurate idea of how we should center our lives. First, we must start with why before we can make action a reality. If you start with the what and the process without why then life may seem aimless or uncertain.
  • Own It! We are easy to blame others for mistakes or circumstances in our life’s perspective.  At the end of the day, you have ownership in how the outcome of your day occurs.  We make mistakes and missteps in life but we have to own it.  If you can turn those experiences into purpose for the future, you will find success.  Success is not defined as a destination but as a journey.
  • We must serve before we can serve. I am a firm believer in the idea that we must understand how to serve before we serve as a “leader.” I place “leader” in quote because positional leader has been antiquated for decades and anyone who serves can lead.  However, you must understand the what, why, and how of service to an organization or group of people before you start. Blindly serving only hinders your experience while harming the overall mission of the organization or people. Therefore, learn, grow, lead, and succeed.  The previous statement serves as one of my personal mantra since my college years at Mercer.
  • Values need action for success. Many times people pay lip service to values and say one thing and do another.  However, our actions in life must align with the values you uphold. Although we may make mistakes, we must continue to live the values that we align and aspire to live daily.  As Phi Mu’s creed states, “to practice day by day,” we must practice our values day by day.
  • Develop an initial plan before you take action. As a follow-up to the previous point, sometimes we need to plan out our actions beyond the ritual of living a purpose-driven and values-led life. The plan should focus on items and elements that are both attainable yet will make you reach within your potential.  If we only focus on the here and now, we will never be prepared for the future. You never know what a few baby steps could do for the future.
  • Remember to give thanks to those who aid along your journey. I am a mixed bag of encouraging the heart because I tend to either do too much or not enough.  The best advice is to never forget the power of a handwritten note because it can make all the difference in a person’s day. Believe me I have a folder entitled “Sunshine” to help me on the days when I am down.
It is never known if these relationships developed at Phi Mu UIFI - Theta Session will ever cross again in life but will say we have all the tools to be successful and the support to move mountains.  Never forget the past but let it only push you forward to the future. This year's experience, along with my reflections, rejuvenate my heart to service, my words to challenge others, and my thoughts to become action.  Thus, I am reminded of a reference from the biblical teachings that there is no greater love than this that a man lay down his life for a friend. May your days continue to be move to tears, laugh, and deep thought for each day is our moment which we call life. Peace and Blessings to all. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Ohh Snap!

Well, today's blog came to us mind a lot later than the others ones did.... Part of the problem came from the fact that I have been dealing with a car that needs some repair, an apartment that needed some attention, and my hair that looked like Tarzan with curls.  I know crazy mental images of me running a muck today.  With that being said, I was having a conversation via text with a friend and all of a sudden - I just snapped.  

After the situation occurred, I asked myself why the heck did this just happen.  He was being honest about a situation and I just blew up.  Was it because I had a challenging day or the fact that my brother and his girlfriend could not come to an agreement on certain elements today? Anyway, I just went off. I paused afterwards and took a deep breathe.  I thought to myself that [friend] did not deserve that.  He was just being honest.  I thought to myself if I cannot accept honest feedback from a friend who can I trust.  

So, this situation has me pondering why do we get upset when people are honest or spend time developing thoughts or comments to respond to the situation.  Instead, why can't we listen and allow for the information to settle?  Maybe walk away for a few minutes? Listen to some music?  For me, I realize that sometimes that my passion or frustrations for a situation boil to a point then POP goes the weasel.  

I realized afterwards that I needed to apologize for my actions.  The response, it's all good.  However, is it all good?  Why do we respond with it is all good when someone gets upset or pops.  Instead, shouldn't the person who snapped process why they did what they did and move forward.  We live in a culture where we should not hurt people's feelings and that we should be sensitive to the emotions of others.  I may or may not agree with that societal norm; however, I want to know how we even get to the point of anger.  How can we spend more time learning to relax and live life than worry about why someone said something?  

Tonight, I decided to listen to the National Anthem sung by Jennifer Hudson to help me process.  




The National Anthem speaks of we, as Americans, " O'er the ramparts we watch'd, were so gallantly streaming? Rampart by definition is a defensive wall.   Americans fought for the civil liberties that we strive to uphold today but the usage of a defensive wall was necessary to combat Britain.  In our lives, we develop defensive mechanisms and sometimes that is a wall. Other times we "snap."  I am not talking Legally Blonde bend and snap but we emotional and physical snap and release a defense that injures or harms others.  Therefore, why do it?  I am not at war with my friend nor do I need to be.  Therefore, I reflect on why we should live life in peace and harmony and not war and terror.  

Our lives go through cycles, sometimes good and others bad.  Regardless of where I am in the cycle, my "bad" should always result in good for others.  Therefore, the next time I, or even you the reader, need to let out some hot air - think and breath. Life is too short to be frustrated because someone made a comment.  If we spend more time focusing on who we are and want to be, we would be much happier.  Instead, we focus so much of what others think and don't allow for people to come into our lives for genuine reasons or conversations.  

I challenge you, as well as myself, to live a little nicer and be thankful for what you have in front of you.  Life is not always greener on the other side.  Cherish each moment as a gift because we are not certain that tomorrow will come. 

May your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Respectfully,
Stephen 


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Where It All Starts...In 2014.



Good morning, friends! I realize that most of the people reading this blog are probably either my friends or just avid blog readers so I will use the term friend to open for today.  

Welcome to 2014! It is the start to a new year.  This new year brings excitement, growth, struggle, happiness, sadness, and thrill.  Why is this year any different than the year prior? It is because the new year of 2014 is innocent in nature and nothing has tarnished the memories of the year yet.  We idolize that each new year is a fresh start just as we did when we graduated from high school, undergraduate, or even graduate school.  We see the new year as an opportunity to re-invent ourselves or create resolutions that seem timely but most fail in the long term.  

2014 means something different for me - it is an opportunity to shape who I am not redefine who I already am.  I see this year as an opportunity to listen less to those who poison my happiness and strive more to live a life focuses on seizing the day rather than waiting for someone to tell me to leap.  Although this does sound somewhat idealistic, I believe I need to step focused on my well being, happiness, and plans for the future.  Of course, I have my "council of mentors" who will be sounding boards for my plans to help me evaluate my life but more so to make sure I am not going "too far off the deep end." 

2014 begins new journeys for me in my professional career and navigating each experience with intentionality and purpose will be crucial.  Will I be perfect? Heck no but will I learn from the hurdles that present themselves to me - absolutely! My love and passion for student affairs makes me only more excited for the next steps I take throughout 2014.  

2014 encourages me to seek more time to be with Him.  Last night was a prime example.  I was the designated driver, by choice, for the New Year's Eve festivities. Chris Tomlin's Indescribable came on the radio (video provided below). 


During the last 10 minutes of my drive, I was like I know this song.  As the song began, I started singing and tears rolled down my face but I realized that God was talking to me.  The moment that the praise and worship because a true conversation with Him.  It made me think - what have I done to uphold His glory? Of course, I am aware that I will fall short but how am I working to follow His plan for my life.  In that moment, I am sitting at a red light praying that God will have His had in my life because I am nothing without Him.  Faith has always been a proponent of what my life should embody.  May God was trying to tell me something last night but all I can think is that I was present and learning to be.  I continue to seek more for and with Him. 

After reading this, many of you may say you have a hefty plan for 2014.  Actually, I think I have allowed this to be a framework for the year.  I had a supervisor once that told me that you have a tapestry to work but how you work with that canvas is a work of art.  I could not agree more.  Therefore, I strive to live more passionately focus on who I am; navigate my career with excitement and intentional conversations and direction; continue to shape who I am and not keep "reinventing the wheel;" and follow my heart through faith and prayer.  

2014 will be a great year - how will you be a part of my journey? Only time will tell. 

May your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Love and Respect, 
Stephen 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Living in the Moment and Hopes for Tomorrow

When you think of genuine relationships, what comes to mind?

Think about it... Did you close your eyes and walk through memory lane?

Today, I saw a quote that brought me back to authentic relationships --

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and focus on what could go right." 

In relationships with individuals, how often do we focus on what could go wrong versus what is right in that present moment?


Prior to the start of 2014, I focused too much on making everything perfect from the places we would go, to the day or time we hung out, or focused on making sure that the conversations accomplished a goal. Yesterday, I began a conversation with a friend like any conversation - we started discussing life, work, and plans for the future.  In the middle of the conversation, I realized I wanted to know about the person, not the typical questions of what's your favorite color, drink, or show but what do you enjoy.  My friend spoke of his life in New York City and the excitement surrounding the New Year's Eve.  We began to explore what he loves about the city and what he enjoys in life.  In that moment, I realize that I need to re-evaluate my relationships and find the heart and soul of each of them.  No relationship is perfect, whether platonic or romantic. 

In relationships, some of them last days, weeks, or even years.  Some of them are brief for various reasons.  

Who do you classify as a best friend?  What do they do for you? What do you do for them?  Is it daily coffee conversations or simply a text saying have a great day.  

Regardless of the outcome, the relationship amongst two people should be founded on a form of common interest and mutual acceptance. But where does it go beyond the start.  Does it need to accomplish a goal? Or is it natural progression? 

Unfortunately, I realized that many of my relationships formed through my professional career or social outlets only connected to a social scene.  Today, I look to change that.  I want to find people that find beauty in life, even in the hard times.  I want to find people who accept and challenge me in life, whether my career or otherwise. If it lasts for days, weeks, months, or year, I will value it. If it only last for a brief period, then I will accept it for what it is.  Each person you interact with serves a purpose whether to make you find something new or help you evaluate what you already have in life. 

My prayer each day is that my relationships should have value; the reality they do.  I do not need something to have defined parameters or focused outcomes to be worth the it's beauty in gold. I also do not want the value to be defined because of a "forced" interactions but one of natural proportions. Yes, it is a mutual responsibility to live and let live through each relationship so I urge you to find peace in the relationships you form.  Not everyone will be your friend; some will just be "associates" as I learned in middle school.  Regardless of how you form the relationship, you deserve love and respect.  

You will probably ask if I will stumble and fall with this idea of natural relationships and the answer is yes I will.  However, I challenge you all to make me dig deeper, love more passionately, and find the true beauty in conversations and interactions.  I know it sounds a little cliche but in this life we only have one life to live but I, like my fellow readers, need to do it without worry or fears. I make mistakes. You make mistakes. We all make mistakes.  It is not a mistake when it challenges us to be more and think more.  Therefore, I move forward with no regrets and only hopes for what is to come. 

To 2014, I look forward to living life and forming more authentic relationships. Today, I reflect and listen to the following song to prepare me for what is to come in 2014: 



Until tomorrow, may your day be filled with peace, love, and joy. 

Peace and Blessings, 
Stephen  

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Celebrating the Holidays with the Dominys


Home is Where the Heart Is. 
Here is a picture of me with the brothers (and "sister" Jenna) at my grandparents in Macon, Georgia. 

Music of the Heart (for this Season)

Please check out the following links of music to share in my feelings that occurred this season - 

Let There Be Peace on Earth: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzMl6g6nDzE